I keep breaking the ten commandments... and don't know if I could ever keep them?

Do not try to force yourself into something that doesn't feel natural right now. It's the same as eating something you don't like, and throwing it up later. You don't sound like an adult yet, and you will only learn from your mistakes. Later on, you will know what feels wrong and right, and you will make your own philosophy about life. Just do not kill, murder, torture, or steal, because those will get you to prison, and you will not have the chance to live a life.